About one in five people experience a mental health condition in their lifetime. This is a clear indication of how common mental illnesses truly are. These conditions result from various genetic and environmental factors, and they affect daily life in major ways. Watching a friend or family member struggle is hard. You want to offer support. But you might not know what to say or do.
Learning how to help someone with their mental health takes patience and a gentle approach. If you are worried a loved one is struggling, do not wait. Speak with them as soon as you notice a potential problem. There are many good ways to speak to a loved one about mental health. You just need to know where to start.
Before You Talk to Them
You should do a little preparation before you sit down to talk. Setting the right tone makes a big difference.
Learn more first
Take time to educate yourself. Supporters often do not know what to say during the first talk. Knowing a little about mental health helps. Read about basic emotions, symptoms, and treatments from reliable sources. This helps you understand what they might be experiencing. It also helps you avoid using words that carry a stigma. You do not need to become an expert. Just learn enough to show you care.
Pick the right time and place
Plan and prepare accordingly. Try to talk to your loved one while they are feeling relatively well. This helps minimize adverse reactions. They will also be able to give you guidance on how to be supportive when they are feeling bad. Normalize the conversation. A casual talk relieves pressure and makes it easier on both sides.
How to have a conversation about their mental health
When you sit down to talk, your main goal is to create a safe space.
Ask open ended questions
Start with questions that require more than a simple yes or no. Open ended questions usually start with how, what, or where. Ask what the good things are about their current routine. Ask what the not so good things are. Ask how they would like things to be different. You can also ask what they miss doing. Take time to be curious and truly understand their fears.
Listen carefully
Put everything aside and concentrate on the person speaking. When it is your turn to talk, repeat back what you heard. Say something like, “I heard you say you feel overwhelmed.” This helps them feel understood and corrects any misunderstandings. Listen more and talk less.
Let them share at their own pace
Talking about mental illness takes immense courage and trust. If they open up, let them talk without interruptions. Do not pressure them to talk more than they want to. This can make them withhold what they intended to share. Meet them where they are. Let the person who chooses to open up lead the discussion. Some people just need more time to process their illness.
Avoid comparisons and do not judge
Keep your opinions and biases aside. Sharing your own experiences is okay. But you must be careful. If not done correctly, you can make someone feel as if their pain is not valid. You might accidentally create the impression that you have gone through worse. The whole reason they came to you is they felt you were a safe person. Even if you feel the person is solely responsible for their own troubles, focus on care. Judging them will only exacerbate their problems.
Offer empathy instead of advice
Provide informed guidance, not advice. Advice should come from mental health professionals. Unsolicited advice from a friend can create barriers. Offer empathy and compassion instead of sympathy. Validate their emotions. Emphasize their strengths.
What to Say and What Not to Say
Supporters act out of love. But how you communicate affects how your loved one perceives your intentions. Use thoughtful language to strike the right tone.
Be sensitive
Do not tell someone you “have” to talk to them. Say you noticed they have not been sleeping or eating as much lately, and ask if they would like to talk. Do not tell them their pain is all in their head. Simply state that you noticed they have not been themselves.
Watch out for stigma
Always be aware of stigma. Emphasize that mental illness is a lot like physical illness and is not their fault. Use person first language. Do not call someone bipolar. Say they are a person with bipolar. If they are struggling to complete tasks, do not call them lazy. Tell them you know they are not feeling well and that makes it hard to do things.
Talk about wellbeing
You can gently suggest practices that promote physical and mental wellness. Talk about ways they can practice self care. Suggest going for a walk, eating a healthy diet, or focusing on getting a good night of sleep. Focusing on basic wellbeing helps keep physical and mental health in check.
How to talk to someone about help for mental health
Social support is vital for recovery. But professional treatment is often necessary if the situation worsens over time.
Encourage professional support
Do not command them to see a doctor. This will make them defensive. Instead, ask if they would like to look for a doctor together. Offer to go to the appointment with them. Do not tell them therapy is not working if they do not get better right away. Remind them that mental illness can be managed. Sometimes it just takes finding the right treatment plan. Remind them that things can get better and you will help any way you can.
Handle refusal and resistance
Some of the most difficult conversations involve accepting a diagnosis or seeking treatment. Prepare for unpredictable reactions. They may feel ashamed or angry. If they refuse to talk, gently nudge them. But if they continue to resist, stop and respect their privacy. A loved one may respond very angrily if pressured. A great strategy is the LEAP method. Listen to their feelings without arguing. Empathize with their reasons to resist. Agree on common ground. Partner with them to accomplish mutual goals.
Address suicidal behavior
All conversations about suicide must be taken seriously. Never promise to keep these talks confidential. Research shows that acknowledging and talking about suicide can actually reduce suicidal ideation. It can even lead to improvements in mental health. Contrary to popular belief, asking about suicide does not plant the idea in their head. If they are in danger, get immediate help. Call a crisis hotline. You do not have to handle this alone. Find help from professionals right away.
After the First Talk
Mental illness is an ongoing experience. One conversation is rarely enough to solve everything.
Bring it all together
At the end of your first talk, summarize what you heard. Ask how you can support them moving forward. Ask if you can follow up with them to check in. Remind them that talking takes a lot of courage. Point out that asking for help is a massive step forward. Thank them for trusting you.
Keep showing up
Continue to engage your loved one after raising the topic. Talking can happen through many different modes. Texting is sometimes easier than talking face to face. It allows a person to share a sentiment without getting defensive. Sending emojis or small texts without words shows you are thinking of them. You can also send cards or flowers. Sometimes not talking and just being there is the most helpful thing you can do.
Talking about mental illness is difficult. It sometimes requires repeated or creative attempts. These attempts might result in feelings of frustration or worry. Keep trying anyway. The more you try, the more likely your loved one is to understand how much they are loved. This is a powerful force. Your patience and endurance will allow them to open up and get the care they need.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
What should I do if my loved one gets angry? It is normal for them to feel defensive when discussing a mental health condition. Try using the LEAP method: listen to their feelings without arguing, empathize, and help create a safe space. If you need guidance on supporting a resistant family member, reach out to the professionals at Aspen Counseling.
When is it time to suggest professional help? If their mental illness is worsening or heavily impacting their daily wellbeing, it is time to encourage professional support. Offer to help them find the right treatment plan without judgment, or gently introduce them to the compassionate therapists at Aspen Counseling.
Is it safe to ask if they are thinking about suicide? Yes. Research shows that addressing suicidal behavior directly actually reduces suicidal ideation and helps remove the stigma. If they are in immediate danger, call a crisis hotline right away. For ongoing care and a safe place to heal, the team at Aspen Counseling is here to help.
